Letting go of a loved one is always a difficult thing to do. When you love someone deeply, taking that person out of your life is like tearing away a part of yourself. The pain can be so intense as to debilitate a person. And yet life must go on. No matter how the loved one got separated – whether by death, divorce or a breakup – it is essential that you stop obsessing over what you have lost. Here are a few ways to let go of someone you love and move on.
Accept what has happened:
The first step to letting go of a loved one is to accept the separation. No matter how smart, attractive and successful you are, you cannot command another person to stay or leave. Understand that you have no control over the other person’s decisions and actions. If your relationship has turned sour, it is best to accept the reality and let go of your partner. Clinging to false hopes and expecting reconciliation will only increase your misery and prolong the hurt which you need to leave behind.
Allow yourself to grieve:
Letting go of a person whom you have loved with all your heart is as painful as ripping out a piece of yourself. But let the pain come and allow yourself to grieve for a while. Denying the feelings of hurt or suppressing them with destructive habits like drugs and alcohol will only make the pain worse and further delay the healing process which is necessary to help you bounce back. If you feel like sobbing loudly, do so in your own room when no one else is around. Or if you feel like staying in a darkened room with mournful music playing, do so for a couple of days. Let the pain get out of your system in whatever way you wish. It will bring about a catharsis of sorts and after that you will surely feel a bit lighter.
Talk to someone:
Share your heartbreak with a close friend, sibling or even a counselor if you are hurting too much. In order to let go of a loved one, you need to work through your feelings of hurt, disappointment, betrayal and anger. But go about it with a purpose. Instead of whining and complaining endlessly, see if talking about your feelings can help you to garner some valuable lessons. Figure out your role in the relationship that went sour and consider how it might prepare you better for a new one.
Get rid of reminders:
One practical way to let a partner go out of your life is to get rid of all the things that remind you of him or her. These may include letters, cards, gifts, clothes and jewelry. Don’t hold on to any personal effects that your partner may have left at your place. If you have calmed down by now, return them by mail or if you are feeling deliciously vengeful, throw them in the trash. The sooner you detach yourself from the things that remind you of the loved one, the easier it will be for you to let go.
Force yourself to get out:
After you have allowed yourself to grieve for a certain period, make a firm decision to get out. Go back to your work if you had taken a few days off or rejoin any classes that you may have been taking before the breakup. Go out to the grocery store and stock up on food supplies instead of continuing to eat out of a tin. The very act of going out and buying things or rejoining a routine will help you to stop thinking of the other person, if only for a brief while. Remember that if you wish to let go of someone, you will have to take the first step. No one else can do it for you.
Do something new:
A tried and tested way of letting go of someone from your life is to do something different with it. Explore a new aspect of your social, creative or spiritual self and it will not only take your mind off the person who has gone but will also help to enhance your personality. Volunteer for community work, go sports center, take a solo vacation to a new town, learn a new language or simply head for the new organization in town. Having a range of new interests will help you to understand that there is so much to live for and thus will make it easier for you to let go of the person you loved and lost.
Understand that the loss may always confuse and hurt you:
An important part of learning to let go of a loved one is to accept that there are aspects of the relationship that you may never fully understand or get over. If your partner cheated on you, asking again and again why he did so or what made her prefer another man over you is not only an exercise in futility but will make you more miserable than ever. Some questions may never have any clear answers. When you learn to accept that heartbreaks and disappointments will always be part of your past, only then you will be able to leave it behind and move on.
Take one day at a time
As you are learning to let go of a loved one, there may be phases of ups and downs. Some days you may feel fine and good about getting back your life together while on other days, you may feel utterly despondent and think that you will never get over the loss of the relationship. Understand that letting go is not a simple linear process. Special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries will be tougher than most days but sooner or later time will heal your wounds.
Going through the loss of a cherished relationship can be long and difficult process. But remember that you are not alone and everyone has been through it, sometime or the other. Learning to let go, no matter how deeply you loved the person, is essential if you are to move on with your life.