1. DISCUSES THE PROBLEM WHEN POSSIBLE
When you are offended one of the ways to easily let go is by discussing it, but when that is not possible write it down on paper, in form of a letter, write down your pain and everything you feel, and by the time you are trough it will look like you have dropped your pain on a paper. When it is possible send it to your offender, but if that will cause more troubles, mainly writing it down on paper is a relief therapy.
2.UNDERSTAND YOUR OFFENDER
This is one secret that has helped in my life personally and still helping me, anytime anyone offends me, I make excuses for them. While I was growing up, I was excepting so much love and care from my siblings, I felt I was mistreated, I wanted to been shown so much love and care, but I was only expecting from them what they never experience themselves. No one can give you what they do not have, they were not raised and treated the way I wanted them to treat, in the environment I grew up, it was normal to mock people, they laugh at them and tease them, and that was what I went through all through my childhood. I was teased, I was mocked, and I was physically abused, and that in my heart was almost giving me a low self-esteem, but by the time I grew up and meet Jesus, He healed me and made me to understand my offenders. The moment I understood my so-called offenders, I loved them back and that drilled up my anger tank.
You have to deliberately learn how to understand your offenders. That took me to the lady I counsel years ago, she came to my office and felt so humiliated by her husband’s action. She told me my husband is a fairly responsible and nice person, everybody respects him but I don’t know why he will do everything to pay for sex. And while I was having that discussion with her, I told her to go back and find the background of her husband, she returned weeks later and she told me “I have found it”. While her husband was growing up, there was a motel just closed to her husband’s house, and all through his childhood he was used to seeing people he had respect for go there to pay for sex, at the age of twelve he was already stealing money from home to go there to sleep with older women and at the time I was having this discussion with this lady, her husband was thirty-nine years old.
There is no way it is going to be easy to go off that habit, just like that. It takes longer for you to go out of a habit than it took for you to learn it. It is just like someone addicted to cocaine, it will take a long time for them to go off that habit. The moment I helped her understand the background of her husband, she was no longer angry at him, rather she was looking for a way to help her husband go off that habit. If you will learn to understand your offender, it will help you not to that mad at them.
3.FORGIVE YOUR OFFENDER
Forgive even if you can’t understand why the person treated you wrongly, the word of God says; forgiving one another if any man has a quarrel against any, even as Christ forgave you, so also do, forgiveness is not an option but a commandment, forgiveness is the gift you give to someone that they do not deserve it. No marriage or relationship can survive without forgiveness, I will always say; that marriage is the coming together of two givers and two forgivers because your spouse will offend you more than anything in the world but if you learn to forgive you will have a wonderful marriage. A lot of people think that adultery is the license for divorce, yes, there was a place it was mentioned in the Bible, but in that same verse, Jesus was telling them, because your heart is hardened.
God sees you when you deliberately make up your mind to sin against him, yet HE finds a place in his heart to forgive you, the Bible says in Isaiah; that God is your husband now, so the same way a husband will feel betrayed when a wife cheats on him, that is the same way God feels anytime you betray him and sin against him, but yet he finds a way to forgive you he expects you to do the same to another person, forgiveness is the only road to a joyful marriage.
You have to learn to forgive your spouse. God wants us to live our life just the way nature is, naturally, the morning will give way for noon, and noon will give way for evening, no matter how hot the noon is it will not disturb the place of the evening. But if you choose to tire yourself to the noon, you will not be able to enjoy the calmness and the glory of the evening. Do not allow any person to put your life on a spot, because of hurt and offense, forgiveness is a relief pill but un-forgiveness will put your life on a spot for a long time, you can choose to respond to offense, you can choose to ignore it, the choice is yours.
4.LOOK FOR A PEAR IN THE OFFENCE
I read a story of a renowned married counselor Gary Smalley who had a troublesome co-worker that led him to discover his gift. Personally, I am fulfilling my assignment today, because of all that I have been through in life, and my last boss I worked with as a banker was the final push. He was so insulting that I started thinking and looking inward on how to use the gift God gave me to impart the world rather than to sit with a boss who thinks I am useless, as a result of his actions, I made a choice of not to allow another person to take the driver sit of my life. Today I have found a peal in that offense.
I am thankful to him, rather than be angry at him. The same boss now follows me on Facebook, some time ago he wrote me and said; “I am so proud of you, I could see the work you are doing”. Do not allow an offense to keep you at a spot, rather look for a treasure out of that offense. Anger can distance you from people, yourself, and from God. Anger can lower your self-esteem.
Making a choice today to be free from anger, the bible says be anxious for nothing, because he knows exactly what anxiousness can do to you. The anxiousness that resolves from anger can freeze your relationship, your health and rob you of your inside.
5.DEVELOP SELF CONTROL
Sometimes you may not be able to immediately to control the emotions of anger, you can control what you do if you really want to. You have to deliberately stop anger from robbing your life blessing. A lady called me some time ago after reading one of my articles she said to me; “My mouth has ended every relationship I went into” she said when I am angry, I say very nasty things to them and even when I am sorry thereafter, they still walk away, she said I don’t know what to do. I told her, it’s simple; control what you say when you are angry, now we know your enemy, then stop your enemy from robbing you. Anger can rob any good relationship.
Another lady had a confrontation with her husband-to-be, and she said to him; “when you die I will come to your funeral”, the young man said on no account will I marry this woman, and that was the end of that relationship. You have to deliberately stop anger from robbing you. On other occasions some time ago a couple came to my office and the wife at that time wanted to leave the marriage, somehow they got to know about me and they contacted me, while I was talking to the wife, I said; why do you want to leave your marriage?
She said to me my husband hits me at any slides provocation and when I was asking the husband, why do you always beat your wife up? He said; pastor I don’t know, when I get angry I just can’t control myself, before you know it I am beating her. And the Holy Spirit ministered to me what to say to him, I said, the bible says; anger is in the bosom of a fool, I asked, are you a fool sir? The said no, I said anytime you are tempted to hit your wife ask yourself that question, am I a fool, if the answer is, go ahead and hit her but if you know the answer is no then don’t hit her, and I also told them a lot of things to do to resolve their problem.
After some time about six-seven months, they called me back and the wife said can you imagine my husband has not hit me since we left your office, and when the husband was talking to me, he said; that word keeps resounding in my spirit, that anger is in the bosom of a fool, and because I know I am not a fool, I have refused to do what anger wants me to do. Don’t allow anger to rob your destiny develop self-control, and you will put anger where it belongs.